It's time for my semi-annual neurologist trip tomorrow. And in spite of my best efforts to completely dash it out of my mind, here it it sits prominently at the front. Commanding my attention and trepidation. Not because he's going to look at me and suddenly see some horrible new symptom in need of treatment. No, it's really more because it makes the steady march into disability impossible for me to ignore. He'll test my vision - poor, my walk - limping, my reflexes - slow, my memory - sluggish.
No faking it here boys and girls... the MS is clearly in control.
But there is something victorious about coming out of that hospital each time. They didn't keep me...I'm still healthy enough to leave on my own two feet, even if some days are harder than others. I know that it sounds corny and it's completely psychological - but it's empowering and I use it to pick up my spirits and restore confidence.
So I'll bide my time until tomorrow. And I will try to remember how much better I will feel when I'm done.
