Make Me Laugh

Things have been pretty intense this fall - what with a 500 year flood and a ferocious flu season. So I think it's time to get back to the blog and lighten things up...

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places.  He told me to quit going to those places.

Henny Youngman

I've always wanted to be somebody, but I see now I should have been more specific.

Lily Tomlin

There are three stages of a man's life: When he believes in Santa Claus, when he doesn't believe in Santa Claus, and when he is Santa Claus.

Unknown

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second.  When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour.  That's relativity.

Albert Einstein

He who laughs last didn't get it.

Unknown

I love deadlines.  I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.

Douglas Adams

I am ready to meet my Maker.  Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

Winston Churchill

The supreme irony of life is hardly anyone ever gets out of it alive.

Robert Heinlein

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work.  I want to achieve it through not dying.

Woody Allen

I have yet to see any problem, however complicated, which, when you looked at it in the right way, did not become still more complicated.

Poul Anderson

I think that I shall never see a billboard lovely as a tree.  Perhaps, unless the billboards fall, I'll never see a tree at all.

Ogden Nash

You don't have to swim faster than the shark, just faster than the guy next to you.

Unknown

I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix.

Dan Quayle

In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it 'Christmas' and went to church; the Jews called it 'Hanukkah' and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank.  People passing each other on the street would say 'Merry Christmas!' or 'Happy Hanukkah!' or (to the atheists) 'Look out for the wall!'

Dave Barry

In a heartbeat

About two years ago, I was struggling in my life, feeling overwhelmed and tired. How would I pay all these bills? How could I get my daughter to dance practice on time and still get things finished at work? Where would I find the energy to cook supper tonight when I was already exhausted? You see, I was only focused on the negative. It had become so easy to do this; it was as if self-pity had become my drug of choice.

Then I ran across this short blog when I was helping my daughter do her research on the internet. It's very short, and there wasn't much background information about the person who wrote it. It simply stated that it was from a sixteen-year-old named Tatum, who was dying of cancer. Tatum reminded me not to take my life for granted:
Some of the things I’m going to miss when I’m gone:
My family.
My dog’s kisses.
The swing on the tree in the garden.
The smell of my mom’s peach pie.
The first fire my dad makes every winter.
The feel of my grandpa’s sweaters.
They are always so soft.

Dominoes Pizza.
The Dominoes Pizza delivery guy. (Who is also my best friend Wes.)
Hot chocolate on a cold night.

Opening presents on Christmas morning.
The smell of bacon.
Laughing so hard my cheeks hurt.
Lying in the field behind our house and listening to the beat of my heart.

Thank you Tatum!
May we all cherish the times we can laugh til our cheeks hurt.
I will hold your sweetness in my heart. Always.

On Brevity - No Really

Now that I have MS, one of my major issues is that when I am talking to someone (or listening to someone speak or watching something on TV or reading something) if they don't get right to the point of their story, lesson, question, demonstration, etc. I will mentally take them to the finish line.

I make an educated guess at what they are talking about and what response they need or want from me, mentally tuck it away (if it is a work related or complex issue I jot it down on paper) and then my mind just sort of "leaves the building." I'm thinking about other things.

Is this fatigue? Cognitive dysfunction? Straight on brain damage? A little bit of all three? I don't know. What I do know it that this is really becoming a serious social issue for me in certain circumstances. It's hard not to look disinterested and therefore rude when you are not giving someone 100% of your attention. And not everyone I interact with knows that I have a chronic illness. I certainly don't advertise it. And as you can imagine that I don't want to make them think they have to try harder to capture my attention, or speak to me any differently.

So I have to pray for the occasional blessedly terse, strightforward speaker. Otherwise, I try to silently change the channel without offending. Maybe this is what happens with Alzheimer's. A person gets to the point where they change the channel, then they forget how to switch it back to where they started. So they kind of get lost in the static in between.

Inspiration! 17 months ago

I found this anonymous prayer and I want to share it. I think it will help me when I struggle with how to address asking God to help those around me:
“God of mercy, when I’m sick I often find it hard to pray. So I offer this moment of prayer when I’m well for all those who may now be too weak, too tired or too depressed to pray and to believe at this time in your goodness and mercy. May this be a healing moment for them, as it was for the woman in the Gospel who touched the hem of your garment. Amen.”

Praying with tears in my eyes 18 months ago

I have been very diligent in my efforts to pray each day. I have even done some work in reading the Bible before I pray to clear my mind of the clutters that usually find their way into my conversations with God. But there are people close to me who are hurting – my husband who deals with chronic pain every day – my mother, who is watching her sister slowly die from cancer – my father, who just lost his younger sister to illness. They are all angry at God. Can my prayers bring them peace when they have turned their faces away from Him?

Stress and Taxes

I've put it off about as long as I can. It's time to break out the receipts, the tax software and lots of coffee. It's time to pay Obama - er, I mean the taxes...

I know, I know, we have lots of folks to bail out - There's the banks, and the car companies, and the banks, and those bad mortgages, and the banks, and the failing state governments and oh did I mention the banks?

And it's my patriotic duty and what-not. But come on...

You know I'm just gonna write that check and then Obama's gonna take 90% of it and send it to China with the IOU he must surely send them on a weekly basis, and then he'll keep 5% of it for the next White House party (cause he's gotta take care of his girls!) and then he'll take the other 5% and put a bow on it and stick it back into the mailbox and say "here, look what I got you!"

I never was much of a fan of re-gifting.